Preparing your parents for downsizing

As Christmas is over and we reflect on family time, we notice things about our parents that aren’t apparent in a phone call. You might notice they’re less house proud, put off maintenance or the garden is a bit weedier than you remembered. They might have balance issues or be in the zone for a hip replacement. As the new year approaches, many adult children look to living arrangements for the longer term.

Talking about downsizing with parents

I can tell you from experience that this conversation is usually tricky, especially if there’s only one parent. The surviving parent might be deeply suspicious of talk about downsizing; many fear their children are trying to turf them out of the family home to get their hands on the sale proceeds. However, you can and must have the conversation before it’s too late.

When a partner has died, the remaining person can suffer loneliness and feel overwhelmed by everyday tasks like cooking and cleaning. Services like home help and Meals on Wheels can help with the latter but they won’t combat loneliness. Studies show that people who interact with more people a day have an improved life expectancy so you can see that loneliness is bad for your health!

Retirement village options

When you finally persuade your parent or parents to check out some retirement villages, they’ll be pleasantly surprised. Retirement villages have come a long way over the past 20 or 30 years. Now you can find retirement villages or over-55s communities with swimming pools, outdoor entertaining areas, well-kept grounds, community rooms, exercise classes, a village bus, and coastal, rural or Hills Shire locations.

Most good retirement villages offer a true sense of community with opportunities to socialise, a feature that many older people don’t believe they need until they experience it.

Your parents will come to appreciate less work around the house and have more energy to return to hobbies they neglected while bringing up a family..

Combating parental resistance to downsizing

One thing I’ve learned over my years in dealing with downsizers is you’ll get some pushback. As I noted previously, older people can be deeply suspicious of your motives for one. The other issue is the overwhelming task of clearing our 30, 40 or 50 years of family memories. (For help with this, read our earlier article on decluttering before selling the family home.) Even if your parents choose to rent their home, that decluttering process is essential and most older people can’t face doing it alone.

While you don’t want to make your parents fearful, it is important to stress that the best time to move is when they’re still relatively healthy and fit so they can enjoy the facilities at their new home. Additionally, while they’re still physically able, they can have more input into what they keep and who gets what from the home rather than relying on a family member to sort everything out because they’re unable to help or make decisions.

If you can persuade your parent (or parents) to visit some retirement villages or even aged care homes, they’ll be more amenable to change and might even get excited about the prospect of living somewhere new with less stress and better facilities than they have at their current home.

Resurfacing memories

As I mentioned, one major issue for older people is what to do with all their stuff. One of my clients had unopened wedding presents from 50 years earlier. Another had a garage full of car parts for a project he started in 1960 and never completed. When you broach the subject of the ‘Swedish death cleaning’, speak in terms of your experience. “When I cleaned out my garage I found things I thought I’d lost forever,” or “Can we look in the cupboard for those old pictures I did in preschool?” You get the idea. The approach should be gentle and not make your parents feel they’re being pushed out of their home.

The decluttering process can be overwhelming but also fun as you reveal items and memories. Do your decluttering in small, manageable chunks, like one cupboard or one room at a time. That way you don’t end up with a huge mess no one wants to clean up.

Choosing a retirement village or aged care

When your parents are relatively active, they can choose a retirement village themselves. However, there are many different ownership or leasing models and it can be hard to sort out what’s what. That’s where I can help. I’ve spent the better part of 20 years learning about retirement villages and financing models. I can break down the jargon into plain English so you and your parents understand what to expect.

I’m also aged care accredited and use my many contacts within the industry to place older people who have higher care needs that a retirement village can’t provide.

The main thing is to start having the conversation early before there’s a crisis. That way, your parents will have more choices and feel more in control about their next stage of life.

Can I help with getting your parents to downsize?

I’ve lived and worked in The Hills for most of my life. With my network of real estate, retirement village and financial contacts, I can guide you to the next steps you need to take to ensure your parents are secure for their third stage of life. If you’re unsure of how to have the downsizing conversations, I can help. Should one of these steps include selling the family home, talk to me. I can help you sell your parents’ home or recommend an agent while I act as a seller’s advocate.